Wonder

after all e hustle n bustle of life..
im taking ma cup of coffee..

rite now ma eyes are going against me..
so is ma body n its systems..

practically i am a very sensitive person..
only when it involves e person dat i care..
others, i dun giv a damn.. but it depends la..

i would take a lil of ma time to read up things..
to get maself enlightened w things dats happening..
i act only wen needed.. else.. i ll rot one corner..

last nite i left ma work place 1045..
reached work today at 915..
God noes how im doing..
plus the stoOopid things happened last nite..
n thus God noe how messy i am feeling now..
yes.. i am satisfied w wat i ve done..
but im going bonkers wen e love one dont understand enuff..
how can i ask for more..?
im not a queen.. or as beautiful as e juniornye..
wad da fark.. see.. ma self talk is not good today..

it wld be a great pleasure if someone cld give ma back a massage..
im dying for it..
i gez i cared for others too much..
must cut down on it..
shall think for maself..
well2.. its pay day today..

last note..
i am wondering..
y sum1 who wouldnt want me to noe sum1's blog..
but is/are reading mine.. be it my blog or my multiply..
y eh..?

He is stoOoPig

it started of with simple msg..
ok.. i actually being a bad mary last nite..
i text him.. ok lets name him BB (bodoh boy).. haha..

me: its illegal to deceive a woman's heart - yours truly

bb: go n die idiot

me: no no. you go n die cheap playa!

bb: hahaha. S(a gal), u. who r u guys? pls dont disterb my hapi ending. d end

me: i dont even talk to her no more you cheapo. karma is approaching

bb: karma? we'll see. my 5 cents arent werth u

me: then go n die. im priceless compared to you idiotic scummage. heard you
treat ya exS bad. they r very lucky to break up w you mister act wise n clever
but actually setoOopiG (stupid)

bb: hahaha. Tc

me: no no. you take care

bb: alrite i'll tc. dont wori. im hapi. if karma comes, its from God n not u biatches. ola. pls dont disterb me animore

me: oh sorry im not a bitch not in a thousand years. of cos karma is not from me,
you stupid. its from God definitely from God. how many times must i call you stupid?
atleast today God hints me something about your player journey. dont chat w dina again!

bb: i didnt. but she . im stupid? nah. atleast i earn more den u. so im cool. how many time shud i say im hapi. flying. walaupon bodoh. tapi hidupku best. never been better

me: haha. happy hurting ppl's feelings. congrats you earn mo. big deal? atleast mine is hard earn.

bb: mine too. eh i sweat u noe.. wah. hard earn money seh. kk i gif u 1 left salute lar

me: its ok. keep it to your hard-earn-more-then-me. dont need any salute from a heartbreaker creature. good night. thanks for all e memories n e fake love n cheap missing you ever text me. craps.

bb: ok. adios. gd nite. wateva u wana say i dont wana noe. cos u tau lar. susah nk expres wa hapi

me: Pegi mampOs!

yg tau.. tau k.. but hati aku puas.. he ll be e last father of all fuckas i eva noe..

Tired - its just the beginning..

It's monday!

I started ma part time job yest from 10am-11pm..
Paper aint enuff for coming days..
I trade time with money and energy..
Hope ma endurance hit the max..

AND i was uber tired..

They bring back memories

before i start this post,
i felt asleep after ma lunch..
so this page was left unattended for 30 mins..
hehe..

i got lotsa pix to upload..
but no time to upload to pc..
malas arr..

recently its Mr Az's 23rd bday..
so i wished him..
and e texts were elaborated..
we are witty as usual..
argued but still maintain e dis-satisfactions..
and i don't noe e reason y..
he said he still loves n misses me..
i don't noe y he said all dat to me (or to other gals who noes)
i was smittened away w wat he texted to me..
"dont wori, if u end up a janda 1 day, im here.."
"u can trust me. if im still bachelor, i'll still love u.."
i was speechless.. i tot he already over me wen he had a gf..
i dont wanna b blamed again.. not even in e future..
but something whispered e ears of ma heart..
do i still have anything left for him? just a concern maybe..
let nature takes its own course..

and also lately..
MR H prompted me on msn..
all this while i tot i managed to get over him..
i gez i did la..
but e moment i saw he's online..
i twitched ma toes nervously, and wen he prompted me,
i was like.. errr.. dekni biar betol..
but den ma heartbeat relaxed la..
ade ala2 malas nk chat gitu..
but hmmm.. e topic was abt cpf investments..
never in ma history w him, he typed so much..
mcm record seh.. slalu nye mcm slow gitu..
perhaps he was enthusiatic w his new platform
in business.. infact i actually having a thought of
investing ma cpf fund only that time constraint and
i almost forgot abt it till Mr H talked abt it..
he sounds like b4.. n ya.. he ended with,
"if u need more info, im a call away.."

haizz.. atleast mereka2 ni da maju yer...
aku ni bila lagi agaknye..

and yes...
wateva things i always keep ma dear updated..
he noes abt Mr Az n Mr H..

Haris, if u re reading dis.. u noe who is Mr H..

2 days make lotsa different

I attended a work-shop organised by ma company.
Its a 2 day training..
and never in my life i attended something that
really makes me see things differently..

We, human, keeps blaming others for things that went wrong..
Until one part, we became too ignorance and arrogance..
We never blame own self accept others..
In fact if we could actually stop ourself from having negative thought,
if we analyse and integrate instead of judgement,
things would be better..

like:

ur fren misunderstood u for something,
u could actually tell urself,
"its ok dat she is angry n saying things..
she got her right to be angry as she is responsible
for her own behaviour and words.. if u noe u are not wrong..
stop urself if ur self-talk is goin onto negative thought..
challenge urself to thing positive..
wat good do u get if u respond badly or angrily..
its a waste of breath and body cells..
and then focus.. its not your lost anyway..
be empathy.. u shd say something that ease e other party..
as for u shd noe dat an angry person is not thinking properly,
she is using her heart to think rather then the head..
acknowledge her anger.. channel her anger to the brain..
by this time, she can starts to think properly..
and provide solutions to e matter..."

and ma biggest mistakes i did when this happen are,
i reacted emotianally then intelligently..
its like adding salt to e wound..
i let ma emotion took control over me..
and produce negative remarks..
i did not do much empathy..

EMPATHY means : the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

i should mirror other party wat output behaviour was put up..
and i shd not discrimate or judge or be angry abt..
because and again..
each of us are responsible to our own behaviour..
let say i am angry n vulgaritise someone,
i am not being responsible..
a responsible person is a person who knows how to control
that inner emotional demon before it overpowered you..

but still we are human beings..
making mistakes make us complete..
but never NEVER replicate mistakes and History..
dat was by LKY..

Worry Mommah

Oh! I am like a worry mother..
once in every 2 or 3 hrs, i ll call him up..
will not bug him when im soundly asleep.
I start ma conversation with,
"penat tk? da makan? kena ujan tk?"
and end e call with,
"ok take care on e road tau, tkmu notty2 k..dada!"

Time lessen, life is unfair

After love left his work at that shipyard,
he was rather free with his time
at time he wld send me n fetch me to and from work
i ve trained maself not to trouble him so much
but it's hard to say no
infact i was delighted for the rides to work or to anywhere
who wouldn't right? *_*

And he ll be starting his new part time job this evening,
prolly this morning ride and breakfast before going to work,
might be the last one. :( (hopefully not)

Last night he told me, "When i start my new job n part time job,
you won't see me often tau. Nda sorry if tk dpt fetch hun that much."
Trying to show that i understand the situation, i just nodded and look far away..
Deep inside, im fighting over the sadness and trying to coax myself.
Depriving tho..

grrr..

why am i so like this?

and

tomorrow is holiday n sweetheart is working full shift,
10am - 11pm

i gez, i must let him go no matter what..

eh!

let him go to work la!

abeh ingat ape..

hehe.. i miss him eventho he is sucha nuisance, pain in e ass,
tkle duduk diam mcm monyet, kucing siam jadi2an n et-cetera
without all that i ll be bored to death.

n love, take care when on the road, altho u ll always
crap n sing that u re a skillful rider..

cheh! geli..

sleeping beauty

Thank you Mr Tester

ON A HAPPY NOTE,

MA LOVELY BOY PASSED HIS TP (CLASS 3)!!!
YEAY AND ALHAMDULILLAH...
YEAY!!!

SYUKRAN..